Hair must be AT LEAST half inch long for effective removal which means no waxing or shaving for the past four weeks. If you've shaved within four weeks, we guarantee you will experience all of the waxing pain, pay full price and still be left with a ton of stragglers. If money isn't important to you and you want to make it rain, feel free to ignore our warning and schedule an appointment. But if you later email us and rant that you didn't get a clean wax even though you knew we had asked for 4 weeks of growth and you only had 3, we will unleash verbal shock and awe on you because Dummy, seriously, if you can't read, how'd you get your GED?

(1) Pay us (2) To prevent ingrowns, get ya hands on THE EXFOLIATOR 2000 - a textured bath towel so heroic, you'd swear it, too, was forged in the heart of a dying star. This cape-less vigilante purges your skin of dead cells which trap new growth, causing cysts and pimples. Gently scrub your waxed region (skip labia, penis, testicles or anything on your face) everyday. Commit 15 seconds to be disciplined, be brave. You might wince during the scrub but like a bad decision that turns into a damn good time, THE EXFOLIATOR 2000 hurts you just enough. Comes in two strengths: Destruction and Mass Destruction.

Afterwards, apply a specific Anti-Ingrown remedy which, lucky you, we have available here. Jane and Pai sourced with fury for something that actually worked and after 18 months, they high-fived each other upon discovering a roll-on bacchanal of acids called Smooth Operator. Just rub this bottled sorcery 2x per week after you shower until you build a tolerance and level up to 3-4x weekly. What? Use it 5 days? Damn GORLLLLL, you keep it tight!!!

All products are available in our online shop.

Anything that will cause you to sweat or get dirt or oil in your pores for 24 hours (i.e. sexing, working on your fitness, hot tubbing, taking a 2000 mile donkey ride, etc.). Unless you like boils and think acne rashes are hot — then who are we to judge?? Stand tall, Renegade Man!

Because fair is fair and what we quote you should be all that you are responsible for. And we believe tipping destroys our good luck mojo and we're all about karma because people, really, at the end of the day, we do it for the children.

We suck at waxing brows and after years of waxing, each of us has developed a repetitive stress injury in the right shoulder that prevents us from waxing arms or legs as the curvature of those body parts exacerbates the injury.

And sorry Bruh but we shall not compromise our health for you, just this one time. We realize you will now have to roll up your JCrew sleeve and go elsewhere. Woe is us, oh, woe is us.

Why yes we do! We have testimonials! Get that? We're so cool, we come with testimonials! That's the metage of our awesomeness!